Healing Anxiety & Depression Pt. 1: Mindfulness

Hello everyone!

This is the first blog of my three part series on healing anxiety and depression naturally. If you haven't read the prelude to this series, I highly recommend doing so by clicking here!

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First off, I want to start this blog off by saying that I am not claiming perfection and am not at all insinuating that I have reached some state of nirvana with anything that I have written. That being said, writing helps me stay inspired to practice what I preach, as well as opens up awesome connections with people who have the same situations.

I hope that anything I have written will make you go "HOLY SHIT, YES, I experience that to", so that we can all rejoice in our own mutual states of internal bullshit, and understand that it's all completely human! That connection helps me remember to be gentle with myself, which is a practice in and of itself.

Wisdom Stones sold at Stella's in NW Portland, OR.

The Roots of Anxiety

Just as we should be mindful about the judgmental thoughts we have on others, the same goes for what we think about ourselves. Most of those judgements are totally subconscious, which is actually the root of most anxiety.

This is where mindfulness comes in.

Practicing mindfulness on a daily basis can help drudge up these old "mistaken beliefs", and bring the roots of our turbulence to the surface. That's why I think that it's very difficult for people to talk about their childhood in therapy, sometimes. It brings up old trauma that has been neglected in terms of emotional processing.

We learn to deal with the world based on how we were raised, and it becomes engrained in our being (or our subconscious). I think that it's essential to understand where we come from in order to understand where we are at now. However, something that I am still having to accept is that where we come from, or what we've experienced, in no way makes us who we are. Nobody is ever their mistakes, or someone else's view of them. The difference is the awareness of habits or choices that aren't conducive to your own growth.

Yeah yeah, Isabella-- stop blabbing... What the hell is mindfulness?!

"Mindfulness is a state of active and open attention on the present. When you are mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."


Hey, thanks wikipedia! 

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Practicing mindfulness does not mean that you have to sit on a mountain top and meditate for hours. You can practice mindfulness literally anywhere and anytime. Although I've noticed that when I do meditate first thing in the morning (even for only five to ten minutes) it's noticeably easier to stay present without much effort during the rest of my day. That feeling alone is so rewarding, and motivates me to keep doing it. Fuck yeah, instant gratification!

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Moving Meditations

Take these practices anywhere you go throughout your day. Maybe start slow by choosing one that sounds like the best fit for your day, and then add in others if it works for you!

• Eating a meal. Just eat! Try putting your phone,  or any other distraction down, and just eat. We commonly eat while walking somewhere, talking with people, or even when we are glued to our devices. Let go of distractions, and try to calm down while nomming. How many times have you eaten something, and then realized that it disappeared before your very eyes? 
• What to notice- Try to feel the textures and sensations while you are eating or drinking. Become completely immersed in the experience. Taste the flavor, notice the temperature, and let go of that sense of urgency. Even start chewing slower than you'd like to.
• This practice is a great exercise for eating disorders. Paying attention while eating helps you to become aware when you are full, and if you might be over-eating for emotional reasons. Eating slower gives time for the signals that let you know you are full to actually reach the brain (it takes about 10-15 minutes).
• See how you feel after your meal. Satisfied? Still physically hungry? Calm? More anxious? Just notice.

• While walking to wherever you are going. I tend to get lost in my thoughts while riding my bike and walking places. Your surroundings can pass you by without even realizing it-- and in my case, just barely running into a car door opening up into the bike lane while riding along (ahem... multiple times.)
• Walking meditation breath work- Start by lengthening you inhales and exhales. Begin to count your inhales, pausing at the top of the breath, and then letting it all out (squeezing all of the air out, bringing belly to spine).
• Movement awareness- Now start to feel the ground beneath your feet, maybe even counting your steps as you go. Then begin to feel the temperature of the air going in and out the nose. After you have spent time calming down the breath and feeling your physical body, take notice your surroundings. Bring your attention to the sounds around you. Start to open up your ears 360 degrees. Hear the hum and honks of cars, people chatting, the sound of your shoes on the ground, and etcetera. Try not to let the sounds frustrate you, but rather open you up to sounds you didn't notice before.
• "Oh my god, I feel so awkward"- I totally understand feeling awkward while doing this. But that again is a product of anxiety-- worrying that other people are judging you. Totally normal! This is actually a great practice to help quell that anxiety. Practice letting go. Maybe even take the time to catch someone's eye, and share that brief connection. It might feel weird at first, but everything takes practice.

• Muscle Relaxation- A great way to let go when you are feeling really anxious is to practice muscle relaxation and deep breathing. This is great for when you are stressed at work, dealing with insomnia at bedtime, or even while exercising. When I am running or riding my bike, my shoulders tend to crunch up to my ears (a natural reaction to anxiety), causing my breathing to become shallow and making my workout way more demanding. 
• Take a moment to step away from your environment,  especially if it's a stressful one like at work. Maybe find a private space if you aren't in the comfort of your home, or if you are conscious of others being around. Quick bathroom breaks at work are great for this (even in a bathroom stall).



Half-dog pose on a wall

• Imagine you are melting into relaxation. A pose that I like to do to relieve stress related tension is "half dog pose" on a wall. Stand with feet a bit wider than your hips, and place your hands about shoulder width distance apart on a wall in front of you. Let your body create a 90 degree angle. Start to sink the chest down towards the floor, and let the tailbone tuck downward. Feel the belly rise on the inhale, and gently squeeze belly to spine on the exhale. Melt.
• Forward folds are lifesavers- You can try using a wide-legged stance, or you can bring your feet underneath the hips. Hinge at the waist, and let the crown of your head point towards the floor, so that your gaze in between the legs. You can grab opposite elbows, or bring the hand onto the floor. Now start to lengthen the breath. Maybe taking a halfway lift on a deep inhale (hands come onto the shins, and the back becomes flat, creating a 90 degree angle). And then folding again, exhaling out of the mouth. If your flexibility allows, come to interlace your fingers behind the back, press the elbows and palms together, and then fold forward so that your fists reach up and back (feel a opening stretch in the chest). 

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Other Helpful Resources

If you want to dive a bit deeper into the roots of your anxiety and depression, then I know some great resources that can do just that and more. Explore for yourself. Not everything that I suggest will work for everyone, so this is an opportunity to explore you!

My favorite books

• Yoga for Anxiety by Mary NurrieStearns, LCSW, RYT.
• This book was helpful to me in noticing habits that are symptomatic to anxiety. The book delves into how past trauma's can affect the way that you deal with emotions, the effects that mindfulness has on brain chemistry and your nervous system. There are also awesome meditations and physical yoga practices described in depth to aid in stress management. 
• Mindfulness on the Go by Jay Chozen Bays
• I absolutely LOVE this pocket-sized book. If you are interested in meditations that you can practice on and off the mat, then check this out! It gives options for meditations in places that you'd least expect. I often carry it around in my backpack, and whip it out when I have a quick second.

There are countless books on these topics. Any self-help or yoga section at your local bookstore should have a variety of different perspectives on anxiety, depression, meditation, and self discovery. 

Online Resources

YouTube is a great resource with awesome yoga practitioners and self-help related channels. Click on the names below to view the specific YouTube channels.

• Marie Forleo ~ If you are interested in inviting more motivation and productivity into your life, Marie TV is the place to be! She gets into the nitty-gritty details on how to be successful, becoming inspired, and working towards what you want. Plus she's cute as hell, and her videos are fucking hilarious. 
• Psyche Truth ~ This channel touches on ALL topics regarding health. Nutrition, fitness, meditation, and spirituality, while doing a great job at backing up holistic approaches with scientific research. 
• Cloudy Apples ~ A spunky Canadian blogger named Kassie, who strives to help you be comfortable being you. She has tons of recipes, a wide range of thought provoking rants, and other miscellaneous things. 

• Yoga and Meditation Teachers

• Yoga with Adrienne
• Yoga By Candace
• Rebekah Boruki
• Tara Stiles

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Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for parts two and three of my Healing Anxiety and Depression Naturally series!

Namastizzle!

Intro to Healing Anxiety and Depression

Hey everyone!

This is the first time that I've written a word on this neglected old health blog since late 2013!

This past year and a half, I have been learning so much. A lot of that learning has revolved around something that has often been able to completely consume my life-- and that thing is anxiety. This post will be the first of a three part series on how to help you ease anxiety naturally.

I am definitely not a doctor, but my roots as a certified yoga instructor have taught me some amazing ways to quell anxious states of the mind and body. I hope that my story will resonate with you in some way so that you don't feel as alone in dealing with your own anxiety, depression, or stress. I've found that the more I actually open up to people about it, rather than bottling it up as I would like to, I am able to make very deep connections with people that I never would have expected.

Remember, every single person that you pass on a daily basis is going through something that you couldn't even imagine.

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Anxiety can come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. If left untreated, it can even branch into other issues like depression..

Types of anxiety:

Social anxiety- intense nervousness and worry in social situations about being judged, criticized, or even disliked based on normal interactions with others.
Specific anxieties- phobias including aracnaphobia, heights, and situations like driving, etc..
General anxiety- excessive and constant worry for no reason.
Panic attacks- sudden fear and panic triggered by anxiety. This comes with a pounding heart, sweating, dizziness, and even an intense fear of losing control or dying.


Every human being on this planet has some form of anxiety-- it's a natural form of protection when we sense impending danger. If you're an animal in the wild, anxiety is what kicks in and helps you focus and concentrate when you are being chased by a predator. It's essential to human life, and can even be beneficial to us when it's acute, and not chronic.

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Anxiety never crossed my mind very often until I had my first panic attack in mid 2014. I had been seeing a therapist for about a year regarding an eating disorder that I just couldn't seem to understand, and ended up diagnosing myself with ADHD. Wondering why I could never focus on tasks, why I had this constant feeling of melancholy, and why I acted like such a weirdo in social situations began to consume my life. Looking for a quick fix, I confided in my therapist, and a few weeks later got a prescription for adderall.

"Wow-- what an extremely powerful drug for a naive (then) eighteen year old to have unlimited access to", is what runs through my mind as I write this. I am able to see now that all of the problems that I obsessed over were caused by chronic anxiety, and not dysfunctional brain chemistry.

After a very frightening few days of debilitating panic attacks from the prescription, I fell into depression. I felt disconnected from myself, and everyone around me, besides the scarce moments where I was able to get out of my head. That's when the feelings went away-- although, the technical term is depersonalization. Everything that I had enjoyed doing before became grey and dull, and everyone that I loved to connect with no longer became interesting. And I actually started to believe that it would never get better (again, cue the anxiety).

I felt extremely unjustified in my unexplainable moping. And even worse? I had no fucking idea where it was coming from. Why couldn't I just snap out of it? My teaching began to suffer as a part of this as well. I thought, "if I can't be there for myself, then I can't possibly be there for my students... I'm a failure". But that right there was the issue-- I became my own worst enemy.

There came a point where I was walking home from work, and I started to take notice of my surroundings. I noticed that I live in downtown Portland (one of my dreams for awhile), I get to teach something that I am so incredibly passionate about, and I am surrounded by close friends and family that I love very deeply and vice versa. Why the hell am I feeling this way?!

Everyday I get to do things that I have the opportunity of putting my heart and soul into-- and that make me, well, me. But none of it felt special. I began to wonder, "at which point did I lose myself?"

It was at that point that I realized I had been running from myself. All of the hurt that I had been pushing deep down allowed me to ignore the pain. It was a natural defense mechanism. But while I was able to ignore pain, I also slowly started to ignore the light. And after a while, it became quite impossible to dig myself out.

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“Great art comes from great pain.” 

- Christopher Zara

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Without the dark, why the hell would we ever bother searching for the light? 

Think about where the some of the most celebrated art in the world comes from... Hip hop dance and culture stemmed from the youth in the Bronx finding a way to express themselves. This led to a cultural movement that created art in all forms- dance, music, graffiti, and etcetera. Van Gough, a sufferer of anxiety, as well as an alcoholic, created The Starry Night while in emotional anguish.

Another example is the birth of Buddhism in India. According to the legend (emphasis on the "legend"), Siddhartha Gautama was born into a very wealthy family. After fleeing his sheltered palace, Siddhartha experienced the extreme poverty and suffering outside of the comfort zone that was his kingdom. Feeling disenchanted upon return, he set out to experience the opposite extreme to his cushy life-- beginning a period of starvation. After realizing that finding the "middle path" between the two ends was essential, he began to meditate intensely, and eventually was able to free himself from the torments of his thoughts. Later to become recognized as the Buddha, or "enlightened one".

Something that resonated with me when I was going through my yoga instructor training was when my teacher said "remember that everyone you encounter on a daily basis is going through something that you have absolutely no idea about". It really puts everything into perspective-- and for me, it helped ease the judgement that I subconsciously had on others, as well as on myself. Pain is something that we all have the ability to learn and grow from, even if our anxieties tell us otherwise.

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Every few weeks, I am planning on posting three different parts. They will each touch on a different method of practice that you might like to try incorporating into your own lifestyle. Take everything in your own way-- maybe not everything resonates with you, but upon doing your own research and experimentation, I am confident that you can find what works for you! 

Part 1: Meditation and Mindfulness 

 Learn how not to be intimidated by meditation, and how you can practice it anywhere. With dedication and consistency, it is totally possible to have a calm and positive mind again.

Part 2: Lifestyle

Express yo'self! What the hell are you eating? Exercise, friends, hobbies... Blah blah blah.

Part 3: Non-avoidance

Yes, this deserves it's own blog post. Just do your damn laundry!

I still struggle with anxiety each day on different levels. But everyday that I choose to practice these things (even with a small effort), it shifts my day in noticeably positive ways.

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Namastizzle, and hope to catch you on the next one.

Isabella