Intro to Healing Anxiety and Depression

Hey everyone!

This is the first time that I've written a word on this neglected old health blog since late 2013!

This past year and a half, I have been learning so much. A lot of that learning has revolved around something that has often been able to completely consume my life-- and that thing is anxiety. This post will be the first of a three part series on how to help you ease anxiety naturally.

I am definitely not a doctor, but my roots as a certified yoga instructor have taught me some amazing ways to quell anxious states of the mind and body. I hope that my story will resonate with you in some way so that you don't feel as alone in dealing with your own anxiety, depression, or stress. I've found that the more I actually open up to people about it, rather than bottling it up as I would like to, I am able to make very deep connections with people that I never would have expected.

Remember, every single person that you pass on a daily basis is going through something that you couldn't even imagine.

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Anxiety can come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. If left untreated, it can even branch into other issues like depression..

Types of anxiety:

Social anxiety- intense nervousness and worry in social situations about being judged, criticized, or even disliked based on normal interactions with others.
Specific anxieties- phobias including aracnaphobia, heights, and situations like driving, etc..
General anxiety- excessive and constant worry for no reason.
Panic attacks- sudden fear and panic triggered by anxiety. This comes with a pounding heart, sweating, dizziness, and even an intense fear of losing control or dying.


Every human being on this planet has some form of anxiety-- it's a natural form of protection when we sense impending danger. If you're an animal in the wild, anxiety is what kicks in and helps you focus and concentrate when you are being chased by a predator. It's essential to human life, and can even be beneficial to us when it's acute, and not chronic.

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Anxiety never crossed my mind very often until I had my first panic attack in mid 2014. I had been seeing a therapist for about a year regarding an eating disorder that I just couldn't seem to understand, and ended up diagnosing myself with ADHD. Wondering why I could never focus on tasks, why I had this constant feeling of melancholy, and why I acted like such a weirdo in social situations began to consume my life. Looking for a quick fix, I confided in my therapist, and a few weeks later got a prescription for adderall.

"Wow-- what an extremely powerful drug for a naive (then) eighteen year old to have unlimited access to", is what runs through my mind as I write this. I am able to see now that all of the problems that I obsessed over were caused by chronic anxiety, and not dysfunctional brain chemistry.

After a very frightening few days of debilitating panic attacks from the prescription, I fell into depression. I felt disconnected from myself, and everyone around me, besides the scarce moments where I was able to get out of my head. That's when the feelings went away-- although, the technical term is depersonalization. Everything that I had enjoyed doing before became grey and dull, and everyone that I loved to connect with no longer became interesting. And I actually started to believe that it would never get better (again, cue the anxiety).

I felt extremely unjustified in my unexplainable moping. And even worse? I had no fucking idea where it was coming from. Why couldn't I just snap out of it? My teaching began to suffer as a part of this as well. I thought, "if I can't be there for myself, then I can't possibly be there for my students... I'm a failure". But that right there was the issue-- I became my own worst enemy.

There came a point where I was walking home from work, and I started to take notice of my surroundings. I noticed that I live in downtown Portland (one of my dreams for awhile), I get to teach something that I am so incredibly passionate about, and I am surrounded by close friends and family that I love very deeply and vice versa. Why the hell am I feeling this way?!

Everyday I get to do things that I have the opportunity of putting my heart and soul into-- and that make me, well, me. But none of it felt special. I began to wonder, "at which point did I lose myself?"

It was at that point that I realized I had been running from myself. All of the hurt that I had been pushing deep down allowed me to ignore the pain. It was a natural defense mechanism. But while I was able to ignore pain, I also slowly started to ignore the light. And after a while, it became quite impossible to dig myself out.

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“Great art comes from great pain.” 

- Christopher Zara

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Without the dark, why the hell would we ever bother searching for the light? 

Think about where the some of the most celebrated art in the world comes from... Hip hop dance and culture stemmed from the youth in the Bronx finding a way to express themselves. This led to a cultural movement that created art in all forms- dance, music, graffiti, and etcetera. Van Gough, a sufferer of anxiety, as well as an alcoholic, created The Starry Night while in emotional anguish.

Another example is the birth of Buddhism in India. According to the legend (emphasis on the "legend"), Siddhartha Gautama was born into a very wealthy family. After fleeing his sheltered palace, Siddhartha experienced the extreme poverty and suffering outside of the comfort zone that was his kingdom. Feeling disenchanted upon return, he set out to experience the opposite extreme to his cushy life-- beginning a period of starvation. After realizing that finding the "middle path" between the two ends was essential, he began to meditate intensely, and eventually was able to free himself from the torments of his thoughts. Later to become recognized as the Buddha, or "enlightened one".

Something that resonated with me when I was going through my yoga instructor training was when my teacher said "remember that everyone you encounter on a daily basis is going through something that you have absolutely no idea about". It really puts everything into perspective-- and for me, it helped ease the judgement that I subconsciously had on others, as well as on myself. Pain is something that we all have the ability to learn and grow from, even if our anxieties tell us otherwise.

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Every few weeks, I am planning on posting three different parts. They will each touch on a different method of practice that you might like to try incorporating into your own lifestyle. Take everything in your own way-- maybe not everything resonates with you, but upon doing your own research and experimentation, I am confident that you can find what works for you! 

Part 1: Meditation and Mindfulness 

 Learn how not to be intimidated by meditation, and how you can practice it anywhere. With dedication and consistency, it is totally possible to have a calm and positive mind again.

Part 2: Lifestyle

Express yo'self! What the hell are you eating? Exercise, friends, hobbies... Blah blah blah.

Part 3: Non-avoidance

Yes, this deserves it's own blog post. Just do your damn laundry!

I still struggle with anxiety each day on different levels. But everyday that I choose to practice these things (even with a small effort), it shifts my day in noticeably positive ways.

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Namastizzle, and hope to catch you on the next one.

Isabella